This piece has a backstory, and is written without context. A letter to an old employer, after which I shortly quit.

First of all, I want to be thankful for the support I have received. I owe a great deal to you, and more so my colleagues.

I acknowledge that I have been a thorn in your side. I am finding it difficult myself, to come to terms with the fact that I will never be the same person as I was when I first joined the team.

Having the work improvement plan really helped, and I genuinely thought I was doing better. I acknowledge that mistakes have been made, but I have come to a point where I am constantly anxious that you will be picking up on the tiniest typos or phrases that don’t meet your standards. I think you have forgotten that I am the person who has spent the least time with you, so I don’t understand how I was supposed to learn your language. When I joined, I expected to be in a place and work for someone, from whom I could learn a lot. But unfortunately, this has not been the case. The most time I spent with you was during a campaign. How do you expect me to understand and convey a persona, if I don’t know you?

I was very keen on being a caseworker. This is the part I was looking forward to the most. Again, this duty has been taken away from me because I am not good enough. Yes, I read through old case files, but how can I learn if I don’t get the practice? You can only read so much, but it’s the practical element that really makes the difference.

I feel anxious the majority of the time because I feel I am being monitored constantly, waiting for a slip-up. I don’t know if you have a grudge against me. If I have done or said anything unintentionally, then please forgive me. But I feel like I am being picked on.

Just today, I set up a new case with no contact number – notes taken by a colleague. If that had been me (who took the notes) then I would be in big trouble. If I check my work, I take too long. If I don’t, then I make mistakes. I have been trying to find a happy medium.

I feel demoralised with no motivation for my job. How can you expect good standards of work from me when I am left twiddling my thumbs, bored, doing mundane things. Why can’t I attend other activities? Why am I not allowed to learn to write in other forms? Why can’t I do some of the exciting things?

I feel like a waste of space, getting paid to do nothing.

You have made me feel like I am such an incompetent imbecile, that I can’t do the basics of the basics. I know I have good abilities, but I feel embarrassed because of my brain.

What do I do?