I met a woman, who shared her story. I listened and learned, but what happened after took me by such surprise, that I want to share this with you – she gifted me a jug of milk.

She told me that, growing up, she was accustomed to looking after the family and home, as her mother lost her mind. Her youngest sister was playing, when a fatal accident with some machinery instantly killed her, cutting her small body into pieces in front of her mother’s eyes. In and out of the asylum, she watched her mother being tied to shackles (because she would become violent or wander off), and force-fed until the day she returned to her Creator.

The lady shared that she got married to a man whose first wife died, leaving a baby behind. The baby girl was uncharacteristically bottle-fed by her father, which strengthened their sacred bond. She was also cared for by her stepmother (the lady who I met), who then blessed the home with further children. The oldest of 5 siblings, (3 girls and 2 boys) this unfortunate girl was forsaken to a man at the age of 6, by her father as a way of sealing some familial agreement (vuta-suta, which is forbidden in Islam). Physically grown before her age, she was then married at the age of 12, despite her stepmother’s constant objections. Beaten by her husband, she was forced to remain silent and instead had to help her stepdaughter understand what going to happen. Torn between her motherly love and need to fulfill customs, she married her daughter into her new home, where not long after she became pregnant. Whilst there are laws to protect girls from child marriages, illiteracy in many regions means that women and girls do not feel safe enough from their relatives or their lives to take such a bold step. Family honour and tradition still prevail over the rights that were given to women in Islam over 1400 years ago – a reason why urban men are not keen on facilitating a proper education for their daughters.

Despite this, she proudly explained and how she has supported her eldest, and faught for her own childrens right to education. Her second eldest was 17, completing the last of her education before getting married, while her 14 year old was given strict orders by her mother to focus on her education. We went into great depth about the importance of education, not just for her daughters, but for her toddler sons too. We came to the conclusion that education isn’t just about getting a job, but it is about opening our minds to progress and understanding right from wrong when it comes to our human rights. As mothers, we are the first to influence our children, and as fathers, to navigate through life.

Her current situation was a dire one, but not unique. Living with four walls and a roof, she lived in constant fear of safety as the family could not afford a front door. With only a few cows, one died due to the cow disease that spread this summer. I asked her about her husband, and how they manage their income, to better understand the roots of their poverty. She told me, that out of spite, some people falsely accused her husband of theft, where he had to spend 9-10 days in police custody. After he got out, he suffered from kidney stones, which led to a long-term illness. He cannot find work due to the damage to his reputation and has resorted to selling food (pakoray) at the roadside, with help from his family. The cows provide milk, which is sold to regular customers – she was telling me that once someone was complaining about the cost, and she unashamedly told them her cows eat the healthiest food available to produce the healthiest milk. She commented that regular people forget the care and effort needed for livestock, and that she sells her milk with the best intentions. I learned that some milk farmers mix water in their milk to increase the volume, but she only does this by request as she doesn’t believe in this mis-selling.

We discussed intentions, attitudes and coping with difficult circumstances. I was intrigued to understand how she remained positive and motivated after so many trials and tribulations. She explained that to adapt to the situation and make the best of what she has kept her humble and grateful. Rather than fighting with her family members (such as when her father and brother stopped her from working as a cleaner in a couple of houses) she has kept her head down and continues to do what she needs to do to help her spouse and children. She sews bedsheets and is known for her relaxing massages to the local women (I can testify to this!). I shared my favourite story, of Prophet Ibrahim (a.s.) as my inspiration to get through difficult times. When Prophet Ibrahim was searching for God, he upset many people, including his own father. But he never gave up because he had faith. When his father threw him in the fire for denouncing the idols as Gods, the dua “Hisbinallahu wa ni’mal wakeel” saved him from the torment of the fire.

For me, this story was one that we learned and studied a while ago in my Qur’an class and remained at the forefront of my mind over the past few years. I heard this example of Prophet Ibrahim (a.s.) through various scholars and teachers, therefore assumed that it was a well-known one, However, when I shared my perception, this dua and its meaning with this lady, she was extremely grateful for this discussion. We parted shortly after.

Later that evening, she visited us again, but this time she brought her younger daughter to meet me. She told me she enjoyed our discussions so much, that she wanted her daughter to be inspired by an educated woman. The lady expressed her wish to invite us to her home, but she was embarrassed of her poverty stricken, shanty house. She admitted that she wanted to prepare a sweet dish to bring, but couldn’t afford to do this either. So she brought us a jug of milk, from her limited supply, as an expression of love and blessings, gratitude and solidarity to us – the women who stay strong and keep going, with the faith that Allah (s.w.t.) alone is all we need.