When you get married, you expect ups and downs. Two individuals who set out to have a family and a loving home.

This is a story of such a home.

Five years on, and two children later, little spats were regular occurrences. To our family and friends, we were happily married with a bit of acceptable bickering here and there. However, the residual feeling would built up within Husband, and tear down Wife. In the bedroom, these ‘spats’ become more and more hurtful. Comments such as:

‘Don’t hide anything from me because I will find out. And when I do there will be problems’

From there, because of the decision of Wife not to work in the family shop (which sold alcohol, which is forbidden in Islam) the situation got worse. To the outside world, this was seen as a courageous step by some, and a dilemma by other. A new series of comments came from Husband, such as:

‘Who do YOU think you are?’

‘You think that you are better than me?’

‘Look at yourself in the mirror. You are a hypocrite and a liar.’

Any time Wife would raise his faults, it would always end up being her fault, because she was not a good enough wife. She would be told by in-laws to be patient with him, and they will talk to him. Her mother would say ‘Doesn’t matter. Just let it go’. This went on for most of the marriage. Outside they were happy; he was talkative, she was quiet. He would be socialising, but when they got home, all the judgements poured out. If she disagreed, she would be the next one to be judged on.

Eventually, Wife got fed up of being blamed by Husband for being outspoken and a liar. So, she decided to not say anything at all to him. If she didn’t speak to him, he wouldn’t be able to criticise her words or actions – he was hardly home anyway. This went on for most of a year, with an attempt of reconciliation in between. It was well hidden from everyone, bar the closest of family. If there was any intervention, that person(s) would be ‘put in their place’ by Husband. Unfortunately, the reconciliation failed. Ramadan that year was one of the spiritually toughest. One snide comment led to another argument. More comments were made, such as:

‘You are a hypocrite. On one hand you pray five times a day, and the other you don’t even know how to speak to your husband. You are two-faced and a liar and God can see that too. You don’t even deserve to fast. As if your fasts will be accepted.’

Wife was crushed hearing these words. The same words were heard over and over again, but this time there was such strength in his voice, that maybe he actually has a point.

After all, they had been together for seven years now. He is/was my best friend, who knows everything about me. Maybe he is right after all. I must be a hypocrite and a liar. I must be two-faced.

Pause.

What would YOU do at this point?